Rihanna in Thailand – the unexpurgated truth – One bird, two turtles, and slow loris acquitted


Flying Sporran’s Showbiz Diary

Just thought I would let the Rihanna sensation in Thailand calm down a bit before adding my twopence.  I have seen so much of her rear in the last few days I am convinced this is possibly the media way to go.

If you can link someone’s rear to an animal story well that has got to be a picture desk man’s moment of orgasm.

It was brilliant. Within 24 hours of being photographed with a slow loris, and dispatching various pictures of her bum and other bits of anatomy on ‘Instagram’ Phuket’s finest police sleuths leapt into action and arrested two Thai illegal wildlife handlers.

This would have been a major departure from taking the money to let them carry on. But when necessity calls…..

They got bail immediately of course. God knows where the innocent slow loris are now; hopefully not on a police barbecue. After all Alan Morison writing on CNN described one of them as like  a ‘furball on a stick’. Or maybe they could be in the Immigration lock-up.

‘Visit AmazingThailand’ – Slow Loris at Patong Beach.
But his hand may be glued to the umbrella

And what about that poor bird and the two turtles that were dwelling inside a female performing in what was described as a ‘ping pong’ show?

Quite a few of the media shied away from where the livestock came out perhaps feeling uncomfortable with Rihanna’s direct language.

No action was taken against the Thai woman. I trust the turtles were baby ones.  I hope she
removes them after every show and before providing hospitality.

AP chickened out completely. Their story ran: “ She tweeted a few unprintable comments about what she apparently witnessed at an adult show in one of Phuket’s red-light districts.”

They did not even mention Rihanna’s take on how Thai showgirls have developed the old biblical water into wine trick.

The funniest bit was when Phuket district chief, Weera Kerdsirimongkon, said by telephone Sunday about the policing of the illegal animal handlers: “It’s a cat and mouse game”.


“ But this time it’s bigger because a celebrity like Rihanna posted the picture, and there were more than 200,000 ‘likes’ from around the world,” he said

I wonder if Thailand is going to make it a criminal offence to ‘like’ stories like this.

It’s a cat and mouse game? Tourists are bombarded by these people and the police can’t find them?

For an explanation of ‘Ping Pong Show’ I had to consult Richard Barrow. He sees Rihanna’s tweets and instagrams as a double-edged sword.

‘I trust the turtles were babies’

Here it is: Unfortunately for Thailand, Rihanna went to see a “ping pong show” while she was in Phuket. For those who don’t know, this is a sex show which is common to see in places like Pattaya and Bangkok as well as the holiday island of Phuket. This is of course against the law but it still takes place every night. Local police seemingly have little power in enforcing the law.

Ah, they can’t find them either. 

Did not think they were that common any more though. And he still does not explain the ‘Ping Pong’ bit. I do however know a New York photographer who was shot between the eyes by a woman with a dart in a bar in Patpong. I was not there of course but he was certainly traumatized too and moaned for months, even threatened to sue, and went for several medical check-ups. He was not even a paparazzi. He worked for AP – perhaps that’s why they are so shy! Bloody good shot though. She deserved the accolade ‘Camera Assassin’

Thailand 2014 Tourist Slogan – Thailand Never Ceases To Amaze – followed by – er, ‘Look Before You Leap!’
( Drew Noyes is on holiday)
About the Author

Andrew Drummond

Andrew Drummond is a British independent journalist and occasional television documentary maker. He is a former Fleet Street, London, journalist having worked at the Evening Standard, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, News of the World, Observer and The Times.

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