The Premier of The Flying Sporran Golden Globe Awards
Well, we were too late for our New Year’ Honours List but never too late to award those who have graced the pages of this website. So, since its inception in its new format we proudly announce the candidate list for this year’s ‘Flying Sporran Golden Globe Awards’.
We are calling the awards ‘The Golden Globes’ after a party in Santa Monica, California, many moons ago attended by myself and members of the Foreign Press Golden Globe Award Committee, and when on the same night I fell off Santa Monica pier and my then girlfriend, incidentally a legal secretary at the NewsInternational got arrested (falsely) for soliciting but was thankfully quickly released on the spot when they realised she was Irish. She had come out of our hotel room in an inebriated and indecent state and was looking for me (Well she was calling my name and adding a few expletives) and I am relieved this was not raised at the Leveson Inquiry.
So here’s the Flying Sporran Golden Globes line up. Your (legal) comments are welcome and if I have missed any out, then the nominations can be added to I guess. In fact any suggestions are welcome.
DREW WALTER NOYES
1. Well the first nomination had to be so called American lawyer Drew Noyes, the most friendly and re-assuring professional to make Thailand his home. Mired in controversy over his treatment of Filipina staff, the selling of housing for Thailand’s poor to foreigners, allegedly finding the solution to the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, producing a newspaper by lifting from the web, setting up all sorts of bogus property ownership deals, Noyes currently faces court cases in Pattaya and Bangkok. He has now achieved the ‘I have now arrived’ status in Pattaya but seems to be planning a departure, and has been entered for Flying Sporran’s special ‘Skiandhu Award’ for persistently falling on his own dagger. (Noyes in the headlines today (his headline that is) on Thaivisa.com -see end of this section)
NIELS MARTENS STORM COLOV
2. Clicking in at number two is Niels Colov, Knight of Rizal, and chief of Pattaya police volunteers. Colov a former pimp in Copenhagen, is the owner of the Pattaya People newspaper and television and media empire. He and his ‘wife’ Ladawan are currently on trial at Pattaya Court for libeling an Australian and his development company. But they are equally known for allegedly taking 3 million baht off Briton Malcolm Leggett, 60, and never giving it back, which is why Malcolm is working a rice paddy in Nakorn Nowhere. Colov, an ex-President of two Rotary Clubs in Pattaya is contemplating moving to the Philippines with Drew Noyes. Flying Sporran is in possession of the Drew Noyes dossier on him. Colov is the principal nominee for the ‘Mother Theresa Road to Damascus Award’.
ERIC BRODER, AKA DIRTY DOG
3. And at number three is Eric ‘Dirty Dog’ Broder the supremo and ‘mine host’ at the Teakdoor Forum for disillusioned foreigners, which is sponsored by Drew Noyes’ unlicensed law firm PAPPA. Eric, positively drools malice down the internet freely accusing all and sundry of being paedophiles, ponces or shirtlifters, and quite often issuing threats. On particulary emotional occasions he will even put up pictures of his gun and whinge about his wrongful arrest in Pattaya. He barks like a rottweiler but looks like a whippet. Dirty Dog deserves a special place in our, er, well somewhere, not least as Ambassador to Thailand for the South East London Thamesmead Estate for problem families.
4. At number four in comes Briton Richard Hewitt, 47. Richard was found naked, emaciated and non-compos mentis in a cell at Pattaya Police station and rescued by a British angel running a Burmese charity, again exclusively revealed here. After being treated at a psychiatric hospital he made a full recovery from overdosing on exotic substances and ladyboys and was found to be reasonably well off after receiving an inheritance from his father. It took more than six months for him to be deported, while he complained profusely, but after a couple of months he was back in Pattaya again. Richard’s entry comes under the category: ‘See Pattaya and Die Award’.
THE CHIANG MAI CITY FATHERS
5. The Mayor of Chiang Mai and his entourage come in for this special award for constructing a public relations disaster after this website pointed out that not just two foreigners had died in hotels in Chiang Mai in a suspicious way, but a whole flock of them. Chiang Mai’s handling of the situation was a disastrous exercise for the city and now, apart from the mention of some sort of toxic poisoning, a year on we still do not know what really happened. The city gets this year’s special ‘Kirsty Jones Award’ sponsored by Saatchi & Saatchi and named after another famous Chiang Mai botch up.
6. Jason, the brother of Arran Coghlan ‘The Teflon Don’ (three times acquitted of murder) is standing in this year’s ‘What is your life expectancy Award’. After acting as a henchman for Hua Hin property developer Dingeman ‘Dinkie’ Hendrikse, where he had a gun available to deal with the sorry people who had bought houses and wanted to complain as to why they did not have onwership documents, convicted armed robber Jason then fled to South America, where he was arrested (on the request apparently of the Serious Organised Crime Agency). He was subsequently released and again arrested in Spain. This time he had put the word out on an infamous Time-Share boss who had cheated his mum. A story from this website was used against him in court, but he got bail and is now running an advice and legal service for people who get into trouble with the law in Spain. Call Axiomatic!
7. Another former President of a Pattaya Rotary Club Briton Richard Haughton, took cash from Britons, Russians, Canadians etc, after selling them units of the Emerald Palace condominium in Pattaya, pocketed the proceeds, and then hawked the deeds off getting a 71 million baht loan from the Kasikorn Bank. The Thai authorities promised to investigate, but their promises appear less than sincere. Now the owners face having their utilities cut off joining the unfortunate owners in another Haughton project Lake Villas in Pattaya. The Pattaya media does not give a hoot and Haughton is up for the ‘You can’t touch me I’m part of the Union Award’ in recognition of his contribution to Pattaya’s reputation as ‘rip-off’ city, the Union of course being those who control the milking of foreigners. The Kasikorn Bank meanwhile refuses to let the owners form any sort of judicial committee to run the condominium. So now the western faction will be looking to the Russian faction to sort things out.
8. Coming in at number eight, but perhaps worthy of a higher place is Colin Vard, a formerly wealthy Irishman and cousin to the singing ‘Vard Sisters’ who had seven properties taken from him in Phuket by a mix of bent lawyers, police, and a nanny, and had his children put in a well, while the dirty deeds were being carried out. Colin is still on the run despite, or rather because of, being the injured party. He is entering the Thai court system where he has found many other millionaires who have also lost their property and is expecting some sort of result in 2057. This will be a Thai decision where the spoils may be split so as not to offend anyone.
9. The award list would not be complete without at least one boiler room guy. This year it goes to James Muller – although of course there are many others in the wings waiting – who was sentenced to just three years in prison and is probably out by now under one pardon or another. Muller was linked to the murder of New Zealander Ian Travis who was gunned down in Bangkok Sukhumvit Soi 8 after leaving Muller’s Foreign Currency International boiler room and attempting to start out on his own. Jeesh. If you can’t trust your own staff in this business who can you trust?
POLICE SERGEANT UTHAI DECHACHIWAT
10. In for the ‘Sabaijai Award’ is Police Sergeant Uthai Dechachiwat of Pai Police in Mae Hong Son. Sergeant Uthai shot dead Canadian backpacker Leo Del Pinto and shot and injured his girlfriend Carly Reisig, well, way back when. He has still not been convicted of the murder of the foreigner and of course being a policeman he got bail while awaiting trial. While on bail though last year he murdered his 18-yr-old bride of two weeks by clubbing her to death. The award is named after the Uthai’s biggest fan who defended him on Thaivisa.com. and said Reisig was a trouble maker and thus asking for it. Uthai is now in jail for that murder and joins Sergeant Somchai Wisetsingh who gunned down a British couple in Kanchanaburi.
11. At number 11 comes Kanokrat Booth, the battling Thai journalist, who has been fighting the U.K. Border Agency after having her British residence permit revoked when her pensioner kilt maker husband Denis from Galashiels told them she had deserted him and was unfaithful. Kanokrat has been bravely fighting this case and winning – twice actually both at the Immigration Tribunal and Immigration Appeals Tribunal. Despite judges saying that Britain acted illegally (she denied both accusations saying he was the one who had affairs but she overlooked them ) H.M’s government still refuses to give her a visa, and now she is taking the case to the European Court of Human Rights. This is our Asif Ahmad Award for ‘blind valour’ awarded those who bravely take on the British civil service believing they are heading somewhere else other than a nervous breakdown. She is also battling comments from disgruntled Brits in Thailand who think they get a bad deal from Immigration. She also qualifies, according to her husband, as best Thai wife in a non supporting role.
12. In his best supporting role as Honorary British Consul in Pattaya, the busiest consular post within the British Foreign Office, Howard is included in the list for ‘over-servicing’ British citizens. Miller who resigned, has been replaced by representatives of local extraction, on local salaries thus ensuring that the policy of non-overserving will continue to flourish. Apart from a difficult period, involving the slightly barmy Richard Hewitt, above, Miller was repeatedly accused of breaking the hand book rules which provide precisely under what conditions a British subject can be visited and how many times he can be visited in hospital or elsewhere before the consuler official is judged guilty of over-service. (The answer is 1, unless she is young and pretty and might make a newspaper story). Howard qualifies in the additional civil service category of ‘failing to keep his head below the parapet’. He may have lost his chance at getting the OBE like his predecessor Barry Kenyon, who over-serviced but kept it quiet from the Embassy. (Correction MBE. See letters)
13. In the ‘Where is he now?’ category is David Fletcher, the convicted child sexual abuser whom we found on a garbage dump in Cambodia chatting up poor urchins there and running ‘Feed the kids’ tours. Fletcher subsequently fled to Thailand where he was arrested. Cambodia subsequently applied for extradition. Then Cambodia fell out with Thailand. There seemed to be always something wrong with the court papers Cambodia presented. Fletcher is…..somewhere we think?
14. Closely on his heels is Michael Strouse, the American porn king who was heading for Hollywood but took a left turn up the Pacific Highway from San Diego and ended up in Thailand. Here we revealed how Strouse, who turned his Thai wife ‘Kat’ into a Hollywood porn star before divorcing her, got BOI status to start up a business in Pattaya, which included porn, porn-dating sites, and web page design. Strouse gets our ‘Brass Balls Award’ but his company ‘Final Wave’ seems to no longer have BOI status. Meanwhile he is one of those responsible for the annoying and unsolicited mobile phone messages we get.
15. And finally The Flying Sporran’s first ever Lifetime Appreciation Award and the only nomination is JJ from Patong Beach, Phuket. JJ, a jet-ski renter par excellence, has already achieved close to national hero status for his extortionate damage bills for jet-skis presented to tourists after they rent his machines. A Channel 3 poll decided by over 60 per cent that HE was in the right when he confronted British Marines whom he was shaking down for 40,000 baht and that the producer of a documentary series called: ‘Big Trouble in Tourist Thailand’ should be seized and hung drawn and quartered. JJ has come out with a rap record soon: ‘I’m a jet-ski scammer. Aint nobody gonna touch me. Im a jet ski scammer . We got lotsa tourists what a whammer’ and has got a job with the TAT.
Footnote: Drew Walter Noyes
* Almost guaranteeing himself a Number One position Drew Noyes front page story in the ‘Pattaya Times’ is featured highly today on Thaivisa.com. In his ‘open letter written supposedly on behalf of foreigners to Yingluck Shinawatra’ (last time he he wrote about her he referred to her as Yinglock) he says: “We met at the American Independence Day Celebration you attended as US Ambassador H.E. Kristie A. Kenney’s most honored guest immediately following your election and we spoke for a few minutes.”
More than a dozen people have written to me in reply to Noyes’ arrogant post saying their letters have been deleted by ThaiVisa moderators. Needless to say Yingluck will not remember Noyes but as the following shows, he did barge in close enough to her to get this picture taken of himself. Noyes has the gall to write about property ownwership law.
Drew Noyes sneaks into a picture with Yingluck. He was not part of the conversation.
Anyway its a funny read but something is clearly wrong on Thai Visa. The people there must known the nature of the man and what he has done to his fellow citizens and other westerners but but TV boss George Anderssen’s lackadaisical behavior is bordering on the criminally daft allowing this sort of material to appear and thus giving readers the impression that Noyes is straight up and a man to take their problems to. Any nominations for George? We have obviously put his nose out of joint because, to the concern of moderators themselves, he is now not referring to stories on andrew-drummond.com, but for instance will copy Andrew Drummond stories wholesale from newspapers) as he has done today with the Akha story.
And a belated Happy New Year to all from Andrew Drummond and ‘The Flying Sporran’
Finally if anyone wants to know more about this year’s nominees just google their names along with Andrew Drummond