Behind A Pattaya-Times Investigation Into – Er – COLD PRESSED OIL

Cold Pressed Oil – The Hard Facts

Drew Noyes and ex-Thai wife Nittaya

The Pattaya Times ‘newspaper, ‘ published by American Drew Noyes, runs under the slogan: ‘News you can use’ and professes it will not carry crime reports or any other stuff I guess which might put Pattaya in perspective.
So this week I was curious to read a report carried across six columns of his newspaper under the headline ‘Local Brazilian Ivan Schiffer under Investigation Following Drug Arrest’.

This was above another headline stating:’ Warning to buyers of cold pressed oil and organic products in Pattaya sold under various names’.

(Boy,  this guy knows how to sell newspapers.).

This was a story claiming that a Brazilian living in Pattaya was making primrose oil and other such oils which did not carry U.S. certification.  Not exactly earth shattering stuff for someone in Pattaya.

But by the time one had finished reading the piece one might come to the conclusion that ‘bio-chemist’ Schiffer had been employed by Dr. Mengele.

The ‘staff reporter’ (actually Drew Noyes) ranted that Schiffer  was working illegally in Thailand and was under investigation by by the United States Department of Agriculture, Immigration Police, and the Labour Department, and was also suspected of drugs dealing by the Narcotics Control Police (whoever they are). What’s more Schiffer is aged 64, not 53 as he claims!

(There is no such thing as the Thai Narcotics Control Police. Schiffer is not under investigation by the Labour Department, U.S. Department of Agriculture or Immigration Police and Drew Noyes is 55 not 46 as HE has claimed)

The crux of the so called investigation appeared to be whether Schiffer is selling organic or non organic products. This will be rivetting stuff for those Pattaya mongers who delight in an oily English breakfast after a night out on booze and fags.

The basis of the drug allegation was that he was arrested last June for possessing cannabis. This was a small amount.  He was admonished with a suspended sentence so I guess it must have been good organic shit, man!  However, it did not quite seem to put him in the class of trafficker.

I had not seen such rants in the Pattaya Times since, well, he said Andrew Drummond was being hunted down by the Thai police all over Thailand and as a result had quit his 2,000 baht Bangkok apartment to flee to Malaysia..

And of course both rants were duly copied and publish by Eric ‘Dirty Dog’ (right) on the Teakdoor forum as a piece of valuable local news.

So could it be that Drew Noyes is again trying to settle scores?  You betcha!

Schiffer has, I discovered, in fact been a friend of Noyes for several years. He even worked for him and rented one of those National Housing Association apartments for poor Thai people in Keha Mansions in Thepprasit Road, Jomtien, where Noyes has his slightly grubby offices.

But it seems they fell out recently because Schiffer had cottoned on to Noyes and was in the process of warning an American called about a 15 million baht investment he had made with Noyes in a building in the Pattayaland 1 area of Pattaya,  ( where incidentally Cumbrian gun man Derrick Bird used to drink) to turn it into an ‘entertainment’ bar called ‘Cupids’

A rare crime stort in the Pattaya Times. It does not stand up, but then again Noyes is an enemy of the publisher

Now one of the first things a defendant will be asked in a Thai libel case is did he have a grudge against the plaintiff, to which the reply should be ‘no!’

Noyes might have a problem explaining the the following sms’ he sent to Schiffer before publishing his article reprinted below.


Drew Noyes to Ivan Schiffer

‘You piece of shit. You want to play rough! You’d better be tough you spineless lowlife. I can tell you directly I am after you because you betrayed me and have no loyalty. Let’s see. You lied to xxxx about me so when I see you behind bars I can spit on you..unless something happens to you first.

‘Your drug arrest is being sent by my police friend to Horseshoe Point. Got  a copy of a letter to you from my friend at the USDA.  Much much more to come.

‘Make sure to tell whoever is stupid enough to lend you 20,000 for your overstay that they won’t get it back because immigration will hold you for other reasons. Still laughing? “

‘PS: You might want to ditch your sim cards. They ping making you easier to locate. Better hurry out. Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai. Ohhh My!’

Wow! It’s exciting being an ex-friend of Drew Noyes, which is what most of his friends seem to become.

Some are still holding back because Noyes notes every little secret he gleans during his relationships. And what some boys tell each other in Pattaya can make alarming reading  especially if they have been allowed to use his ‘Bat Cave’ – a one bedroomed apartment where he has built a shower in the centre of the bedroom. Yes you’re right. He’s not very cool.

Footnote: This month’s plagiarism award goes to Pattaya Times’ Demirali Caliskan, one of the paper’s new editors – the official one is Wanrapa Boonsu the second Thai mother of three of Noyes’ nine children in Thailand, who must have upset somebody because her name is misspelt wrong three times on page 2 of the current issue, where she is pictured with Noyes receiving gifts, it says, for his contribution to journalism. (

Demirali, of unknown descent, who describes himself as a Sports Writer with his life goal to be a Sports Promoter, has fully entered into the swing of things Pattaya Times style and having ditched all his principals has been freely continuing this newspaper’s tradition of lifting stashes of wire copy and internet columns without paying subscription fees and putting his own name on the top of it all.

My favourites were his stories about Gabon and Equatorial Guinea hosting the African Cup and the new British 50p pence piece which  has been ‘blasted by refereeing experts as being confusing and totally out of date’; not forgetting the Reuters picture he lifted of the world’s highest bridge!


Latest sms from Drew Noyes to Ivan Schiffer.

‘Smart move to get Drummond to promote the article about your arrest. Good we printed 10,000 copies! Selling fast all over Pattaya request from Phuket.”

Some wishful thinking here from the publisher of ‘Thailand’s 3rd biggest English language’ newspaper with an alleged readership of 500,000!

Actually I know the printers., 87 Print, an unregistered company. The fortnightly order is for 5,000 copies of which most appear to be stacked up at the Immigration Department where I am informed officers have already got the cut of Noyes’ jib.

About the Author

Andrew Drummond

Andrew Drummond is a British independent journalist and occasional television documentary maker. He is a former Fleet Street, London, journalist having worked at the Evening Standard, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, News of the World, Observer and The Times.

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