RAT PACK! EXCLUSIVE – The Flying Sporran’s Royal Connections
Miffed hack defends his blue blood and youth.
VIDEO SPECIAL: Battling a psuedo lawyer in the Pattaya courts, who claims to have umpteen royal decorations and been in service to royalty for 14 years, the ‘Flying Sporran’ this week put a video up on the net to show his own connection to royalty.
He claims the programme he made for Channel 4’s ‘The Media Show’ not only proves his own connections to blue blood, as he prances regally (Don’t you mean effeminately- Ed?) around the Temple of the Emerald Buddha with the Prince and Princess of Wales; but the film clearly demonstrates his youthful vigour, proving the lie to the said lawyer’s claim on the net that he was a pensioner.
Critics have been quick to point out that in this film his connection to British royalty appears to be from something resembling a sheep pen, from several of them in fact, as he tried to get a glimpse of the Royal Couple through a pair of binoculars.
They say he is merely being herded like the other ‘sheep’ journalists and besides as Prince Charles and Di were last in Thailand in 1988 he must now be at least 70.
‘That’s an outrageous lie,” said the Sporran. “Viewers can see from this film that I look like a school leaver, despite having coming through 12 years of Fleet Street .
“Girls were throwing themselves at my feet at the Buffalo bar. I do not lie about my age like this lawyer did on tagged.com.
“Furthermore I served with the Queens Own Highlanders on the Berlin Wall and even though this lawyer claims to be a marksman and skydiver I can show him what I can do with a Carl Gustav or GPMG, AND I can jump off the end of my bed.”
The Flying Sporran’s moment of ill humour appears to have been sparked by publication on the internet by the American lawyer of a video allegedly showing him with another man – who referred to him as ‘petal’ – while staking out another fake lawyer Scotsman Brian Goudie, or Goldie, in Jomtien on Thailand’s eastern seaboard.
In an effort to justify his youth and Royal connections the Flying Sporran has also threatened to put a video up on the net of himself on tour of Burma, Laos, and Thailand with the Princess Royal. (Yes it was still called Burma in those days).
The Flying Sporran’s bed reference is thought to be a mockery of the American ‘lawyer’s’ parachute training day when he appeared reluctant to jump.
The Flying Sporran was last seen in the Crossed Pistons muttering: “Í’m not a pensioner. I’m NOT a pensioner”.
Exclusive to readers of this website and those who can find it on youtube – Flying Sporran – in ‘Di and I’
COMMENT: Well that was filmed before the internet. That starred amongst others, James Whitaker of the Mirror, Harry Arnold of the SUN, Richard Kay, now editor of the Mail Diary, Stewart Payne, a good friend from the Standard, who left and I think went into business, Martin Phillips of Today, Trevor Fishlock of the Daily Telegraph, Ashley Walton and John Woods of the Daily Express, Dominic Faulder, Asiaweek, and former President of the FCCT, and Neil Kelly of The Times, but he took a dive whenever the camera got near him.
NEXT – THE REAL STORY: British Pensioners in Thailand. Have they been sentenced to a premature death?
Previous: Model raped on her 19th birthday